For the last few days, I have been asking myself the question, “Who am I?” And “How did I get here?”
When I was a child I used to love puzzles. My mother would buy me puzzles and one day found me putting them together without the picture facing up… she told me it was very difficult to keep me occupied with something to do….
Those puzzles quickly became the intricacies of this life – where I see people as individual components fitting together to make up a beautiful picture. Everyone has a place in this world.
I enjoy helping people find their place and connect them with the puzzle that fits them perfectly. Relationship is key and everything to me.
But sometimes your words or silence are sharp edges – and like razors it cuts me in the midst of trying to help.
And it’s my soul that bleeds. In times like these I retreat to my hole.
My “man hole” is a solitary space where I can heal and think.
I think a lot.
I take every puzzling scenario into my mind lab and toss them into multiple permutations and derive the best formulas for the given situation or potential situations.
I take criticisms and melt them down into common denominators and depending on the outcome I discard them or create strong yet malleable alloys to fortify me against the next soul attack.
Because hurt people, hurt people.
When people tell me jokes, I laugh because they need me to understand that I get why they find it funny. But honestly, most jokes are derived from situations that are not funny. And I am instantly driven to think how can I help humanity smile for reasons beyond the macabre…. So forgive me but although life’s pictures are generally abstract the puzzles, the lives I see and hold are concrete.
So I stay longer in my man hole. And write out the finished sonic puzzle pictures, with all of their keys and components that make up orchestral music, pop songs, and whatever the Master Creator chooses to give me at various seemingly random times throughout my life.
Like my Mom, He keeps me very occupied working on these puzzles while I struggle to make sense of humanity and the subsequent relationships that follow. And my silent desperate need to help… I use words only if necessary.
Although writing is tedious work, the music brings me comfort and that is what I pass on to you.
One of my best friends posted a Mathematical problem, after solving it, it took me three hours to figure out why so many people got it wrong. I posted both answers on her page.
Being right means nothing to me. It’s empty. Giving everyone an opportunity to understand together is inspiring and fulfilling.
More and more people, fans (my truest friends) are asking me to speak more and retreat less….
My name is Gina Williams.
I see you.